Noah's Brothers: Max, Benny, and Lev Herskovitz

 

Noah's roommate for 11 of their first 13 years, Max could teach a thing or two to Lauren about being the perfect roommate: namely proper mattress surfing techniques and also to never, ever touch Noah's things without asking first.  He's shed blood en route to a 1,636-1 driveway basketball record, mediated disputes over who got the largest TMNT sugar face cookie from Butterflake, and been an unflinching role model.  Max lives in Israel with his wife, Shira, and Uncle No-no's two year old niece, Ayala.

 

As Noah's co-middle brother Benny has had the benefit of receiving an upbringing through Noah's "adversity breeds success" brand of brothering.  A childhood spent dodging physical blows and verbal barbs yielded results on the basketball court when Benny "The Move" Herskovitz became a mainstay in Yavneh Academy's newsletter sports section.  Not content to rest on his athletic laurels Benny has continued to garner accolades as his class salutatorian, and has dedicated himself to social justice causes both near and far from home.  Don't let this 2006 latke eating champ's résumé trick you into thinking he's all no-nonsense, though, as Big Bad Benny is Teaneck's Most Wanted sidewalk vandal and fireworks enthusiast.

 

Despite being a full time student at the American Academy of Dramatic Arts, Lev still finds time to rock out with Noah in their 2-man band, The Aces.  The global fame of The Aces afforded them permanent front of the line privileges at Chickies in Teaneck.  A Harry Potter-phile at 7, wedding dance phenom at 9, Pesach film auteur at 14, hunchbacked stage star at 18, and lifelong quoter of all things television, Lev is living proof for the adage about the Herskovitz boys: the younger they get, the cooler they are.

 

Tim and Ethan Zangara

 

Lauren's backup costume every Purim and Halloween is "Lax Bro", for which Tim and Ethan are both inspiration and equipment manager.  Should she ever retire "Lax Bro" from her costumer repertoire I'm sure she would replace it with a basketball themed costume, if for no other reason than that she could wear a pair of Ethan's sneakers every day of the year and never wear the same pair twice.  It was his keen fashion sense and his ability to form an instant personal connection with ladies who sleep with their cats that gave Ethan his first big break at Harmon's discount beauty store.  When he's not talking about sports or makeup, however, Lauren tells me Ethan is interested in tweeting about Juicy J, which I think is some kind of orange soda because he seems to drink a lot of that.  So when Ethan is done twerking on the dance floor make sure you hand him a turnt up glass of Juicy J, because he needs to stay hydrated for his graduation from Morris Knolls High School in June.

 

Tim is currently a sophomore at Rutgers studying to become a history teacher.  History teacher would really just be his day job, as Tim has volunteered to test out my experimental time machine to travel back in time to prevent the Cuban Missile Crisis.  A modern day Indiana Jones, Tim wields a lacrosse stick in place of a whip.  He can be seen minding the goal on the Rutgers club lacrosse team with the grace of a liger.  Tim supports his amateur lacrosse career with a professional career as an expert scrapper, so bring your old oven to the wedding and Tim will help you carry it to our third floor recycling center.  Ever the gracious gentleman, Tim will temporarily be setting aside his life's passion for never smiling in photographs in honor of his sister's wedding.